


In Which Gilbert Makes the Decision He Damn Well Should Have

by jacksparrow589



Series: In Which Things Change [3]
Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anne and Gilbert actually talk it out, Bash actually gives good advice, F/M, Getting Together, Matthew and Marilla are the best parents, Shirbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacksparrow589/pseuds/jacksparrow589
Summary: Instead of telling Anne all the reasons he should marry Winnie at the ruins in 3x08, Gilbert tells Anne he couldn't go through with it. Typical Anne-ness ensues as they figure things out.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe & Sebastian "Bash" Lacroix, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Marilla Cuthbert & Matthew Cuthbert & Anne Shirley
Series: In Which Things Change [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672138
Comments: 51
Kudos: 267





	In Which Gilbert Makes the Decision He Damn Well Should Have

**Author's Note:**

> This scene always sat the least well with me of any from this season, mostly because the whole thing very much reeked to me of Gilbert very nearly allowing himself to be bought, and he's not the sort of person who'd go for that. Not that he didn't have genuine interest in Winnie; I absolutely think he did. And I think Mr. Rose did genuinely like Gilbert, but holy hell, the poor guy was very nearly railroaded in ways that don't strike me as being in-character. (Never mind the whole debutante/heiress and her family being like "Yes, marrying this orphan and supporting him is absolutely in everyone's best interest"--nice, of course, but not realistic.)

"What did you want to talk about?" Anne tilted her head.

"I..." Gilbert sighed. "I told Winifred I wouldn't be marrying her."

Anne neither moved nor spoke for a short moment, but when she finally did, "You _what?!_ " came out much louder than she'd intended. Mercifully, at a quick glance around, nobody was actually paying much attention. More quietly, she babbled, "But she... But her family... But you... But the _Sorbonne_! What could possibly... Why would you _ever_..."

"It's not the life that I want most. And before you ask whether or not I thought this through, I _did_. I thought about what my life looks like 15 years from now if I were to marry Winifred. It's nice. Comfortable. Companionable. But that's all it is." Gilbert shook his head. "The future I want is... Well, it's not always comfortable. It's making an impact. It's changing things. It's like you said the other day: being a relentless thorn in the side of those who refuse to amend the status quo. That's what research _is_." He took a breath. "No matter how I look at it, that's the future I want. And I want someone who wants that just as much as I do."

Anne' cheeks were already streaked with tears, but it was only just as Gilbert finished speaking that she buried her face in her hands, her hair falling like a curtain to obscure her more fully from Gilbert's view. "No... no, no, no, _no_ ," she sobbed. "This is not at _all_ how I thought this would go. After Mary and the dance practice and the fair and the paper and Josie—and now I'm _drunk_. Yes," she affirmed, "I'm drunk. And you're here telling me that you're _not_ going to marry the woman who could give you the world you deserve because you... you..."

Gilbert's eyes widened in shock. "Drunk?" he repeated. "You're drunk?!"

Anne nodded and mumbled, "Very."

Gilbert ran a hand through his hair. "Perhaps… we ought to continue this discussion tomorrow?"

Anne stared numbly into the fire, tears still rolling down her cheeks.

Gilbert hung his head. Should he reach out for Anne's hand? Would she let him, or would she flinch away, or yell at him? Should he offer her a handkerchief? Offer to walk her home? Could _anything_ he could offer her make any of this better? Anne was clearly affected, but in what way? And even if it was because his feelings were returned, would it be enough?

That last question sent a shard of ice through his heart.

"Anne…" Gilbert's hand twitched from where it rested on his leg, but he gripped his own knee to keep from reaching out. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… I should have waited until tomorrow. I just… All I wanted—"

"T'morrow," murmured Anne. She straightened to sit unnaturally stiffly before turning to him and explaining, "We can talk tomorrow. Just please… let me have tonight."

Gilbert swallowed and nodded. "Should I… I can walk you home, or if you want, I'll just leave."

"I'll be…" Anne shook her head. "I'll get home fine. Thanks," she added quietly as an afterthought. "You'd better get going before Moody sees you and you have to answer questions." _That neither of us are prepared to deal with right now_ was implied.

Gilbert looked around. Anne was right. "Tomorrow… come find me when you're ready." Gilbert waited for Anne's small nod before murmuring, "Good night, Anne." 

"G'night," Anne said automatically.

Casting one last painful glance back as he got to the trees, Gilbert saw Anne staring into the fire still. He could have sworn her eyes flicked his way once, but maybe that was just hope playing tricks on his brain. All he knew was that despite his complete exhaustion, he was in for a sleepless night.

* * *

Gilbert was still mulling it all over the next morning.

"You look like you had a night," Bash remarked. "Care to debrief? Should I be expecting to see more of the Roses?"

Gilbert shook his head. "Nope. I pretty well ran that into the ground. Mr. Rose... He was expecting me to propose!"

"Well, yes, I'd imagine he would if he was going to offer to pay your way through the Sorbonne. He's a good man, to be sure, but even good men don't just go around handing out a Sorbonne education for nothing." Bash smiled kindly. "Don't get me wrong; I think he truly likes you. Winnie certainly does. Or did, at least." He started feeding Dellie before continuing. "So... mind telling me why you turned down an heiress and a Sorbonne education?"

"I don't love her," Gilbert responded quickly.

Bash let out an impressed whistle. "So, the boy _can_ learn." He tried to maneuver the spoon to keep Dellie from losing a mouthful of porridge all over the floor. More seriously, he continued, "I'm proud of you. Really. It can't have been an easy thing. Which means your reasons for doing so must be quite something."

Gilbert sighed. "You picked today of all days to dance around the subject?"

"Because you get all prickly when I mention your very obvious feelings for Anne. Have you finally decided to acknowledge them?"

Gilbert looked wary. "What exactly are you going to do if I say yes?"

Bash grinned. "Ask whether you plan to inform the young lady in question."

"I already tried last night."

"And?!" Bash wasn't even trying to keep the cereal in Dellie's mouth now, but he at least had the good sense to scoot the baby away from the table before she flipped the bowl again.

"And we're talking about it today." Gilbert sighed when Bash's expression fell a bit. "It turns out there is a wrong time to tell a girl you love her."

Bash had the grace to look concerned. "What exactly did you say?"

"I told her… that I told Winnie I wouldn't be marrying her; that the future that led to wasn't what I wanted. That the future I do want is what Anne wants." 

Bash's brow furrowed in confusion. "Did you say… anything else?" He wanted to know. 

Gilbert shook his head. "I was going to, but she stopped me. She seemed… torn." He sighed again. "I know that she'd just say so if she didn't have feelings for me. But why… if I'm telling her that—that there's nothing standing in the way anymore… Anymore. Ugh." Gilbert dragged the heels of his hands up his face. 

"A word of advice?" Bash offered after a moment. When Gilbert nodded, he continued, "Lead with how you _feel_ first. The rest will follow in due course." 

Gilbert nodded. "I'll be sure to remember that." _Along with, if any party is drunk, it should not be the one hearing the confession,_ he thought to himself.

"Good. Because I think I see a shock of lovely red hair headed our way." Bash nodded out the window. He had to chuckle at Gilbert's panicked expression before the boy bolted to his room to grab a vest. Bash half-considered telling him he might try to run a comb or at least his fingers through his hair, but the truth of the matter was that it wouldn't hurt to look just a little desperate. 

As Gilbert made his way to the door, Bash called to him, "I will be in here keeping my mother and Dellie occupied and all three of us out of your way. And Blythe? Good luck." 

Even as he opened the door feeling more than a bit like he was going to his doom, Gilbert almost smiled.

* * *

Anne had slept fitfully and risen far too early, but hadn't stopped pacing since she'd gotten out of bed.

Marilla had finally told her (admittedly looking concerned for her charge rather than annoyed with her) that if she was going to worry a hole in the floor, to please do it outside.

She'd wandered into the barn, startling Matthew.

"Anne…" Matthew surveyed her. "Is… everything alright?"

Anne nodded absently.

"You're sure?"

Anne blinked. Matthew wasn't usually this direct, but then, he wasn't usually so concerned. Suddenly, the story came bursting from her.

"Gilbert came to the celebration we had after the exam last night to tell me—well, I thought he was going to tell me that he was engaged to Winifred Rose, or at least that he intended to ask her to marry him—but then it turns out he said he couldn't and I think—well, he _implied_ it's because of me, and I think he was about to say he loves me, but how can I stand in the way of Paris and the Sorbonne and the most lovely, elegant heiress and his _dreams_? I love him—at least, I'm pretty certain I do—but how can I… how can my feelings _possibly_ compete when that's all I have to offer?!"

It was Matthew's turn to blink, his eyes wide as he digested his daughter's outburst. His gaze darted over to the barn door: Marilla had come out, intending to let Matthew know that he ought to keep an eye out so that Anne didn't wander into danger in her current state. Now, she was just as flummoxed as he was.

"Well," he said slowly, "I reckon that—that what you have to offer… If Gilbert is willing to turn down all that… It seems to me that what you offer is what he really wants."

"You do…" Anne took a shaky breath. "I told him I'd go talk with him today, but even now… I'm still scared."

Marilla came over and stood in front of Anne. "Well, let's see if we can't help that a little. Roll down your sleeves, straighten your—" She sighed fondly. "You'll have to re-button your blouse—you've offset the buttons completely. Matthew, I'll thank you to go outside for a moment."

Matthew did as he was bid, and Anne set about righting her blouse with shaking hands as Marilla plaited her hair into a loose braid. As she worked, she spoke gently. "I'm not sure this is how any of us imagined this would happen. With you, it never is. That's the joy of having you for a daughter. Whatever happens, Anne, remember…" She spun Anne to face her. "You are loved and valued, and that will not change."

Anne grabbed her in a tight hug. "Thank you, Marilla." She took a deep breath, released her guardian, and set off.

* * *

Of course, the breeze had picked up half way through the walk. Anne had finally gotten frustrated and removed her braid, tucking the ribbon into her sleeve. She only hoped being windswept would be as romantic as it was portrayed. She paused just before the Blythe-LaCroix house came into view. She smoothed the front of her skirt down, brushed her hair behind her shoulders, took another steadying breath, and kept going.

She didn't know what to make of Gilbert meeting her before she could get to the house, but he looked about as well-rested and unrumpled as she did. Maybe there was hope after all.

They walked just to the other side of the barn, Gilbert not entirely trusting Bash not to be staring out the window, but unable to hold his words in much longer. Still, he found himself unable to speak when he tried, and finally, it was Anne who said, "I'm not entirely sure where to begin."

Suddenly, Gilbert could bring himself to speak. "I meant what I said last night," he told her. "Every word."

"So did I," Anne reminded him. "You can't give this opportunity up! Why would you even consider it?" Try though she might, she couldn't completely keep quite all the hope out of her voice. Matthew's words had allowed her to hold on to that much, but she had to hear it from Gilbert.

 _Now or never._ "Because Winifred isn't _you._ I don't have to go to the Sorbonne to be successful, and I certainly can't marry someone else for any opportunity when I love you."

Anne blinked, stunned. "You..." She tried to come up with the words to accurately convey her confusion, but all she could get out was "You really love me?"

Gilbert nodded. "When Mr. Rose told me I had his permission to propose, I panicked. The first thing I thought was 'But I don't love her.' I realized that—that courting Winifred... that was the most spectacularly stupid thing I've ever done. And I knew that it wouldn't be fair because she'd never be first in my heart because my heart has always belonged to you."

"Always?" Anne echoed faintly.

Gilbert nodded just a bit, his gaze not moving from hers. "Since the day we met. I tried to get your attention and failed, so I just tried ignoring what I was feeling. And then Bash started ribbing me about it when I got your letter on the ship, and I knew he was right, but I wouldn't tell him because..." he sighed. "Because I didn't think you had any kind of romantic notions about me. But since that dance practice, I don't think I've had a proper night's sleep. I couldn't stop wishing for something that told me you love me, too. When you mentioned Winifred that night on Miss Stacy's porch, I thought you were saying I should be with her because she saw me in a way you didn't. But I can't. I won't. What I can do—what I should have done weeks ago—is tell you how I feel and hope that I _wasn't_ wrong about what I thought your feelings might be during dance practice. And that despite my making an absolutely colossal mess of things, you still feel the same way now."

The silence that followed seemed interminable. Finally, Anne nodded. "I do. I just..." she trailed off, confused. "I never thought... well, not never, I suppose, but I hoped. And then... And now..."

It was Gilbert's turn to repeat. "And now?"

"And now..." Anne took a shaking breath. "All I want you to do is tell me again. Tell me how you feel."

"Anne..." Gilbert breathed her name and stepped forward, bringing a hand up to her cheek. "I love you. Since the day we met, you have been, and you always will be the one who holds my heart. I know I don't deserve it, but if I can, I'd like to—to be that person for you."

Anne's reaction was a mixture of surprise and confusion. "You think... that you don't deserve it?"

"No one deserves the affection of another without effort, and especially after ignoring both your feelings and mine and courting someone else, I certainly wouldn't want to assume." Gilbert took a moment to breathe. "But if you'll let me, I want to make that up to you."

Anne let out a soft laugh. _If only you knew how very often I've been told how undeserving I am of anything good because I had the audacity to not die with my parents._ "Given how sincere you're being, I don't think you have anything to be worrying about," she told him, "because I love you, too." 

Gilbert closed his eyes and heaved out a sigh of relief. When he opened them again, Anne was looking at him in the sweetest way. Cautiously, he leaned just a little bit closer. Anne's eyes widened just a bit and she took in a small, sharp breath, but stayed where she was. As he drew closer, Anne leaned a little into the hand at her cheek. 

The first kiss was the gentlest brush of lips. The second was a little firmer and a little longer. After that, they lost count. Soon, Anne's hands were clasped behind Gilbert's neck, occasionally teasing the curls there and in so doing eliciting a few appreciative noises from him. His hand had dropped from her cheek first to her waist before winding around to the small of her back, while his other hand splayed out between her shoulder blades, pulling Anne as close as he could manage. 

Anne wasn't sure whose heart was beating faster or stronger, but when Gilbert's hand slid up into her hair to cradle the back of her head at the same time that he tilted his head just a little to angle for a deeper kiss, she was pretty sure her heart stopped momentarily. She let out a muffled noise that was half-gasp, half whimper, leaving her mouth just open against his, while one of her hands slid down to grab the lapel of his vest. It felt like every single one of her nerves was sparking with electricity; it was wonderful and overwhelming and somehow not enough all at once. 

Gilbert slowed the pace, unwilling (unable, really, if anyone would have asked him) to pull away entirely at once, instead settling for softer, sweeter kisses, and finally placing a kiss on Anne's forehead before drawing back, but not letting go. Anne sighed, her breathing still just a bit ragged. "I can only imagine the ruckus that would have caused last night," she laughed quietly. 

" _That's_ what you're thinking about right now?" Gilbert chuckled. 

"I can't just stop thinking, you know," Anne retorted playfully. "I imagine it might be gratifying to know that all I was thinking about while you were kissing me is how very much I was enjoying it? Well, maybe not _all_ I was thinking about, because I was thinking about how I wasn't sure I was kissing properly at first, and then when I stopped worrying about that, I realized that your hair feels nice and the way you were holding me was _very_ romantic and my heart was racing and I—" she was cut off as Gilbert kissed her again, but she couldn't help smiling as she could still feel Gilbert's laughter where her mouth and chest pressed against his. 

The laughter quickly gave way to quiet sighs of satisfaction, and the kissing eventually turned into a very close embrace. 

"I feel… remarkably unintelligent asking this," Anne murmured into Gilbert's shoulder, "but does this mean… that we're officially courting?" 

Gilbert stepped back, taking Anne's hands. "I'd certainly like to be. I'll talk to Matthew and Marilla…" He shook his head. "I can ask for all the blessings you want me to ask for, but the only one that matters to me is yours." 

"I don't mind doing things properly," Anne assured him. "My desire to upend that status quo can, in this case, be overridden by my abiding love of romance, as well as my vested interest in not being banned from seeing you, because as soon as someone gossips, Marilla will ban me from seeing you until we're at Queen's… unless that's not where you're going?" She bit her lip. 

"I… don't know," Gilbert admitted. "I have no doubt I'll get in, but I need to evaluate my options. There's still Miss Stacy's friend in Toronto; if she'll vouch for me… I just don't know." 

Anne nodded, swallowing. "Of course." She tried to smile. "Well, if you do go directly to Toronto, I suppose I'll just have to write you as often as possible. And make the most of the time we do have together." She wrapped her arms around Gilbert again and sighing when one of his arms wrapped around her shoulders and the other hand went to her hair. "You really do like my hair, don't you?" she managed to joke.

Gilbert let out a soft laugh, but was entirely serious when he informed her, "Seeing your hair in the firelight last night… Anne, you have no idea how very close that sight came to ending me entirely." 

The admission sent a shiver down Anne's spine. "I think… you're exaggerating just a bit." 

"Only a little," Gilbert promised, a smile back in his voice. "I expressed it very poorly the first time we met, but I've always found it beautiful. I've always found _you_ beautiful. If you don't believe me, ask Moody—he'll back me up. The very first day I was back, I said about you that a cute girl is a cute girl." 

Anne smiled. "I know you could hardly be more aware of how handsome the girls in our class find you, but the day before the fair, when you visited to… well, I fled to Diana's, and of all the things, I confessed that I thought you had a splendid chin!" 

"Well, I certainly hadn't heard that one before, but I am definitely filing it away now," Gilbert chuckled.

Anne loosened her grip just enough to pull back and look at him. "There's so much I have to say to you, and I want to get it all out today, but if I don't get back home, Marilla may well come looking for me herself, or worse: ask Jerry to come and find me." 

"I'm surprised Bash hasn't—" Gilbert began, only to be interrupted by the man himself calling from the other side of the barn, "Blythe, is it safe to come out, or has Anne dismembered you for your idiocy?"

Anne put a hand over Gilbert's mouth as he took a breath to speak. "The latter! I'm still cleaning up! Give me another few minutes so you can maintain plausible deniability!"

Bash laughed. "Very well, Miss Anne! Come in and say hello to Dellie when you're finished disposing of the charred remains!"

"I will!" Anne called back, barely holding in laughter. She slid her hand from Gilbert's mouth to his cheek. "Sorry," she apologized as Gilbert raised an eyebrow at her. She leaned in and gave him a quick peck. "I just wanted another moment," she told him quietly. "I've heard you two bicker—Bash knows how to push your buttons, but he won't push mine. Not yet, anyway," she realized. 

Gilbert let out a quiet laugh. "Well, at least Marilla and Matthew won't… will they?"

Anne shrugged. "One way to find out." She let out a short breath. "Are you ready?" 

"Oh, _I'm_ ready," Gilbert told her. "I think the question is whether or not _you're_ ready to be teased mercilessly by Bash before we get to the easy part of this. And then until we go to Queen's. And then possibly forever." 

Anne sighed, the someday-possibility of _forever_ warming her heart. "At least it'll be together." She held out her hand for Gilbert to take. He took it, pulling her in for one last, lingering kiss. 

"Indeed, it will," he agreed, gently squeezing Anne's hand and giving her a loving smile that she returned instantly.

Whatever else happened from here on out, they finally had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Well this… went places. I had fun. I enjoyed it. I hope you did, too!


End file.
